I feel like if you are really going to come to terms with my life and my move then you will need to comprehend the role my parents play in my life, or the lack of in my case.
When I was five years old I was sent to a boarding school that I would only leave in the summer and on a rare weekend, this was because my parents work schedule and constant travelling. This was similar to my brother who was additionally put in an all boys boarding school at age 7. This had left me little memory with what life was like at home. As I grew up though I never once blamed my parents for having little to do with my life, and when I was young for some reason understood. They were providing for my private education and allowing me to live with my friends. But I also believe this was mostly because I loved boarding school and the people, teachers I was surrounded with. The girls were like the sisters I never had and the parents and matrons were the equivalent of my parents. Although, I remember being explicitly saddened when I went home on odd weekends rather than being greeted by my mother and father I was greeted by nanny and despite loving her and knowing herfrom a young age, I missed my parents but her love for me and my brother strangely made me more grateful for my parents who could provide for someone to look after me. My brother and I also never fully got to experience a family holiday, because when we were on break, my parents would continue their work but we would just tag along with my parents and my nanny who would look after us.
It was only when I entered secondary school, when I realised that it wasn’t normal to have totally absent parents, like mine. I think that was because people who were plunged into boarding school at 5 also never got to see their parents because they were absent or they were international students.
I remember throughout year seven after listening to my peers telling me about stories with their parents, that I grew increasingly angry with them because I realised that most parents spend time with their daughters. This was the reason that my behaviour rapidly deteriorated, because I was desperate for attention from my parents. It wasn’t until the end of year eight that I realised that my parents priorities were work and that despite my anger towards them my sadness was guided into gratitude by my friends and teachers.
This continued as I got older and I became used to the idea of having a non-existent relationship with my parents, I would go on holiday with my brother and nanny during the holidays and often go away with my friends and sometimes their family. (Sad I know).
Unlike most parent sob stories mine doesn’t have a happy ending, yet, however it is getting there as despite my distant relationship with my parents when I was in London, which is what made it more tough to move, as I didn’t have a close relationship with them and that I thoroughly believed that my parents move to New York would not affect me in the slightest, because like most of my childhood my parents would be away and I would be living at school.
However, due to my mums retirement at the end of last year as she wanted to become a stay at home mum and finally look after us and build a relationship with us, after the years of anguish my brother and I expressed towards her, she therefore would not allow us to reside in London while she was living in Long Island, or New York (where she was going to live before she resigned). I remember being shocked that she would not allow for us to stay and would rather take us out of our studies, but I realised her intentions were to spend more time with her and to finally be there for us, which I was desperate for. My dad however, to this day remains relatively distance, however his relationship with me and my brother has slowly been improving. My dad commutes, which is better than before, and during the week he lives in our flat in the city and during the weekend he tries to come home and spend time with us. And they are definitely beginning to show us the loving parents they can be as before all they showed us was their belief that parenthood consisted of providing for your children and not spending time with them. Sad I know.
Anyway up to present day in America my relationship with my mother is slowly evolving and while it has been difficult to adjust to her attitude and rules. I am so glad is happening. And I guess I have America to thank for that.
Thank you for reading. I am slowly adapting to American life although I hope my accent never adapts.
Leave a comment if you want to ask about something or have a suggestion on what I should write or help me with my writing.