It is currently 630 on a Monday morning and wrote this last night to publish this morning, please comment if any questions.
Now parties in England were a frequent occasion for me and where I lived in Kensington they were mad. Always Drink and always Drugs. Everyone was always on something whether it be weed, KET, Coke. Raves were mental and everyone could drink because everyone had a fake ID (by just borrowing a year aboves). Most people would get with randomers at clubs and most people would definitely not remember their night the next morning. If you have ever been to a good rave, concert, party, you would know that when intoxicated, high or whatever these were fatal on your mind, body and soul.
Now before you judge me, what most people don’t understand about my friendship group was that it was incestuous. Everyone had sex. Everyone had sex with one another. But there was often very little drama. Relationships casual. Benefits more likely than love. However, when I moved to the suburbs of New York, I could barely comprehend the contrast of attitudes, it was crazy.
And now where I currently am in Long Island, families get involved in ‘drama’, things that in London would only involve the ‘kids’, gossip here spreads quicker than wild fire because nothing much is ever going on, and the difference between London is actually crazy.
This was all revealed to me at my first High school American party:
I remember taking a solid hour to dress up for my first party, partly because it would be in attendance by the majority of my peers. I had put on my favourite flared black jeans and a thrifted top that resembled clueless and barely covered my bra. I remember having no idea about the dress code, what the classic American party outfit would be, but I decided to stick with my relatively ‘out there’ fashion, and hopefully look relatively presentable. (I think my decision to go and look nice in hindsight was not to make impressions but that it was fuelled by insecurities or my wanting acceptance) I also remember my nerves, my hope to make proper senior acquaintances and also wishing for fun (This once again shows me that despite trying to fool myself I obviously did care about others thoughts of me). I also remember being especially thankful that this party would be for both the future junior and seniors, meaning I could go with my brother and therefore not be standing there awkwardly the entire time, (I don’t think you would have caught me there if it weren’t for my brother attendance).
We arrived late of course (I guarantee if you gain anything from this blog it will be understanding my tardiness). The party apparently started at 9 but I was not there until 11. Now, I have never been to a ‘Freshman’ or ‘Sophomore party’, but all my friends now (spoiler) constantly describe them as lame or boring, but in comparison to London club nights and raves and even parties, these ‘upperclassman’ parities were similar even though we didn’t have to pay the typical 10 pounds (dollars) just to enter. What I can say about this American party was that everyone had a judgemental attitude,in hindsight that may be because I was new, but it seemed excruciating eat the time. Also, not everyone was down to get drunk or down for fully focused on having a good time and some people (especially girls) were seeking the boy’s attention. I explicitly remember being desperate for fun at that point, I know sad but imagine being cooped up in your house for two weeks and only seeing your friends on face time.
Anyway continuing with the vague memory of my first American party:
I arrived at a teenagers house (who’s name was anonymous to me in that moment). I immediately walked in to witness boys and girls getting with each other, people with red basic cups that you see in movies and enough people that could fit in a club. (first impression was that it was a typical American party, that I had witnessed a thousand times in a movie).
It’s funny because you ofter think that movie’s are fake but in that moment I truly believed that high school was going to be identical to the movies.
I walked in literally feeling all eyes on me (cliche I know, but nevertheless true), people seemed intent on meeting or looking at the new British boy and girl. I was never really one for making friends and in England I had relied on my best friends and their extroverted confident attitude to introduce me to people, but at that moment I remember learning a vital lesson, that I would have to make an effort, despite previously and naively thinking that I would be happy with no friends for a whole year.
This is when I decided to walk to the kitchen confidently, and pour a drink for myself next to a group of girls. (Of course it was 90 percent vodka and 10 percent Coke, I needed my nerves to dissipate quickly). The girls immediately began to talk to me, obsessing over my accent, wanting to know why I moved, thankfully complementing my outfit that had previously put me on edge. And just how my drink quickly disappeared so did my nerves, I had made a friend or two and I remember that making me so fucking happy. (I mean obviously I could classify them as friends yet, but it was obvious they were nice girls.)
I remember dancing in the middle of the dance floor with the girls I had just met, talking to a fuckload of people boys and girls, but that night essentially was a blur, a fun blur for sure. And although it wasn’t London and I wasn’t partying with my best friends I had a laugh and began to realise that it was possible to have a decent year.
oh and BTW the next day I was vomiting non stop, the similarities to London were crazy.