Football/soccer

I am so sorry wasn’t able to get a post up yesterday, I ironically had a football match on Monday night, (when I normally start my next day post) and a party afterwards, resulting in my absence yesterday from school (My sleeping until 2 pm, and my illness until this morning was my reason for not being able to write the post in time). Tragic I know.

Anyway:

The pull football had in England is of similar strength that it has in my town in the winter (first semester/term). My school; students, teacher, parents, the entire town, prides itself on the home football matches that happen every Monday. (No not Friday like every high school movie, but on a Monday night). This is why in my area it is common to have parties on a Monday night and if you are someone like me that means very likely you are going to miss a Tuesday school day. (If you haven’t caught on my work hard and party hard a motto I live by as well as literally everyone in London, then you know now.)

It was funny because when I lived back in London my family was divided between Arsenal, which my dad supported and Chelsea, which was supported by both my mum and my brother.then me who being stuck in a boarding school where all the girls prioritised Lacrosse, meant that my football knowledge was awful. I even remember once my dad got me a ticket with him to the Arsenal directors box just so I would support his team. It was sad because, my indifference to the sport meant people who lived in America, knew more about a British sport then me.

When I first moved here, surprisingly the respect people had for the footballers in our town was not shocking because it formed the basis of every American movie, (jocks ruled the school). You could immediately pick them out from the crowd, in their varsity jackets, that are just so iconic. Their tough, obnoxious, loud exterior and of course their obsession with smashing and dashing. It was of course your classic boarding school boy (my understanding of a situation always results in making a comparison  sorry if it’s annoying), someone who truly believed the world owed them something. However at the same time no one can deny unless you are truly lucky, that you have fancied one of these boys in your lifetime or at least someone who holds these characteristics.

Anyway upon moving to America, although initially being so uninterested in football because of my lack of knowledge of it, it soon became clear as school continued it was unavoidable. First of all I had become good friends with a couple of boys from the team and my brother had began to play, after being forced to do years of Rugby at his old school. My love for my brother meant that me watching his games were mandatory (even though these weren’t on a Monday night because he was not part of the varsity team anymore of a recreational one because he was not the best), so I was forced to brush up my knowledge on this sport. Also the boy that I had met at the party the previous week, I found out was on his football team and we had been talking non-stop (about football a bit) since we last had met, which also allowed me to gain knowledge about the sport. All these factors made me become more well-informed about football. I had even started to learn the rule of on-side and during my gym lessons, I tried to implement it, although I was not a natural, more like shit.

I had now began, when I was free to come out to the garden and attempt to play with my brother, although most of the time he would make me be the goalie and try to smack the ball at me.

However my main port of football came from a boy (who is a friend) I was becoming closer and closer with was (he who no the named) but the boy I had in my AP English and History class with. We now began to eat lunch together every Friday and Wednesday when we both finished the same time before lunch. Because he was also a football player we always discussed the sport (not just the sport, but my interest on the members of the team of course), this became even more knowledgeable about the sport despite still being absolutely awful at it. I remember last Tuesday after school, when I was waiting my brother to finish practice, because my mum made me drive him home, (Jack is what he is going to be called to make my life easier), Jack because he played in a different team to my brother, (who was still no where as good as his peers, due to only his recent dedication to the sport), he was willing to play with me. We kicked the ball about (I attempted to), and I tried to score a goal against him, but failed to hit the target on basically every shot (sad I know). Anyway although my football skills never progressed up until the present, both my knowledge and understanding of the game did which encouraged me to watch them and not just go to the party afterwards.

Football parties:

These were the best from my experience, despite Saturday nights being fun, nothing can compare to the rowdiness and inhibitions of Monday night post victory euphoria.

Of course due to my lack of investment into our high school football team either team victory would result in me and some of my friends (the ones who didn’t have boyfriends that were on the team) would attend the competitors victory party (provided they were under 30 minutes away from our town). All these football after parties would be jokes and chill, because you would arrive in your baggy jumpers which you had to watch the game in less you wanted to freeze and leggings. You would just drink and smoke hash or weed until you passed out or threw up and get with a someone you didn’t know for a dare. It was basically a man cave type party if that makes sense but thats what made it fun, you could do whatever your heart desired without getting judged.

Each time I attended one of these parties (I don’t want to paint myself in a bad light, but rather tell the truth), I have woken up the next day in the same house, with the same clothes on feeling absolutely hung over, because as you probably are already aware my motto is go hard or go home.

Thanks for reading

Any questions comment

Sorry I wasn’t able to update yesterday

Petal

School update:

The previous few accounts have been solely focused on my social life, because the world-wind road it has been on, but I feel I initially started writing these to document my time at an American high school, so thats what I am going to be doing.

I am just going to walk you through last Friday’s, school day because Friday is both my longest school day and most social (although this won’t be entity focused on), hopefully making this a more exciting account. However, once again my day is rushed and busy and I have an extensive amount of work, meaning this count can unfortunately not be in too much detail, or too lengthy.

My last Friday, I remember waking up at 7:00 as usual, I quickly got changed into one of my classic outfits; tracksuit bottoms, my black booted Dr Martins, and a long sleeve, with a short sleeve band tee on top to both suit my fashion and protect me from cold. Me and my brother, when we are on time, aim to leave the house at 7:40, we then stopped of, as usual for my almond milk mocha and his flat white, which help me open my eyes for my drive to school. (I actually cannot imagine, not being able to drive, and if you are wondering it took me all summer and constant lessons to past my test before the beginning of school.) Anyway, by the time we leave, get our coffee, and get out the car and get to homeroom I am normally/ always 10 minutes late, which is a disease of mine, that has no cure.

Even though most school day is different, my timetable does not change and on a Friday my first lesson starts at 8, (bloody early) because it’s pre-calculus, which I am taking because I did year of maths A-level (English education system). Although, the education systems are vastly different much of my maths courses at my school I have completed in London, making it my best subject despite it definitely not being my favourite. My maths class can only be described as full of intellects, making it harder (had I not done some topics, I definitely would not be able to keep up). My class only has 10 people, making the lesson even more intense due to it’s intimacy. I quite enjoy my pre-calc class because it is full of people I am not socially friendly outside of school, or outside the subject, making conversation more exciting as I am therefore unaware of their social excursions, making for good story times. 

Pre  calc takes up my first and second period, meaning the lesson is painfully long nd the 6 minutes in between the next lesson, only either gives me time for a secret smoke behind the school, which is sometimes vital or going to the toilet. Although its common for seniors to skip, due to my extensive amount of work especially on my Friday’s, it would be impossible to do so. For 3rd period I have AP US History, which I have been stuck into, despite my lack of knowledge for this particular topic due to my growing up in England, where learning about Germany/ Britain during the World War was a more common topic. Despite, history being my favourite topic due to it interesting me, it has now become one of my hardest due to the amount of content I have to learn. My AP history set however makes this easier as it is such a chill set. Also their is only eight of us, four juniors and four seniors which make up it’s capacity. I liked my set beacsue none of them took school extremely seriously and while they all seemed smart, they seemed fun (actually the party I went to the weekend of the 10th of November (I think), I was invited to was by one of the juniors, whose party it was; that will come in another account. 

It’s so strange that you share classes with people not in your year, because in England your school year which was determined your age determined your peers, which is so different America.

My history takes me to 11:30 am, and often I go to the Library until 12, due to most people not coming out of class until then, however last Friday, I went out with the same boy I went to the Halloween party with (who shan’t be named), because he is in both my history and english resulting in him to finish at the same time as me. We went to a sushi restaurant, that was empty, however, we knew it would begin to fill be 12, with freshman, sophomore and juniors who decided to eat out, which was more common on a Friday. We ordered our sushi, mine being 12 avocado maki and his some complicated food that I would/ could never try. I remember him updating me on his version of accounts on Halloween, as I could not recall it in explicitly detail due to my intoxication. We had a laugh, pointing out all the reckless things we had done in the space of a night. I began to tell him about party in the town over and about the ‘football’ boy that I had made out with. He claimed he knew him as a rival footballer, but I left it at that desperate not to divulge into too much detail about the boy I met, as I really and truly didn’t want to see him too often, otherwise my spontaneous kiss, may want to be explored further, which I did not want.

I remember after we started to get our food, after being sat down for 15 minutes at around i 12, meaning it was the time that everyone would come from school. Even though me and this boy were obviously friends, our intimate lunch I remember earned some stares form the sophomore and junior, that were obviously curiously about our lives (because they had none of their own). I remember getting texts that day from others asking if I was dating him, I mean that would never happen in London and it just shows how involved everyone is in other people’s lives, because everyone knows everyone.

Anyway when we got back from lunch, I had my sophomore chemistry. As I have previously explained my attempts to get as many credits in a year have resulted in my taking this class, with people 2 year younger than me. Although I quite enjoy being the oldest and discussing their sophomore parties and the comparison to my senior one’s. Also the class is pretty chill, as I had done much of the course in my GCSE chemistry. 

After this I am forced into gym class which I absolutely despise, especially this terms/ semesters/ seasons ‘Womans soccer’, which I could not be worse at. At my old school, our sports included netball and lacrosse and polo. In the UK surprisingly woman soccer is no where near as big as in America and I had never played it in P.E until my move. This made me an absolute joke at it and I could barely kick the ball. It was embarrassing. This was made even worse as the boys have P.E at he same time and therefore played soccer on the adjacent field at the same time to us meaning they were and are also able to witness my failure.

On a Friday I finish at 3.45

Anyway this is my typical Friday school day, sorry did not have time to explain my after school, but comment down below if you want anything else to be touched on or discusses. 

Petal

Two weeks ago from now.

gutted and sorry have been unable to post so far this weekend. Cannot explain the weekend I have had: hectic. Definitely a story time for another account. Have had about one hour worth of sleep and am functioning on my constant coffee’s. Have a shit ton of work to do that has to be completed for tomorow, but of course I am instead writing this account for my blog.

In the last couple weeks it has been an absolute world wind, both academically and socially, I mean what can one expect when you are doing 2 years of school in one year, especially after having moved to a whole different country to do so.

But, in other news my social life has progressed massively, which I have decided to take as a positive. I think it has been to do with both the people I met and grew closer too at the halloween party, mainly my girlfriends, that I have become increasingly closer to. Now, everyday after school I am being invited to go out for dinner, with both or either the football boys or the girls. There has been occasion where I have been invited for a social smoking of weed in the designated area in my town, just in case families witness or smell the crime. I think this perception of me has arisen, due to both my smoking habit and my smoking of hash during my first party, which all contrasts to my entire towns obsession with JUULing.

However, most of these occasions I am having to decline and instead stay late at the library working my rear end off. It’s not because I am a hard worker and in fact I have been called one of the most blazè people to live, but rather because I still don’t want to intimately associate and grow relationships with boys to the point they might want it to progress and the constant thought that I am leaving in less than a year, despite my realisation that it is now inevitable.

Anyway moving onto 2 weekends ago; over the past years, a well known issue of mine in London especially concerning boys is my inability to shut anyone down or decline advances. This is due to my constant need to please everyone. I always want people to like me, or want to be my friend. But you know what they say the first step of getting over something is admitting it.

Anyway, like everyone, you probably know what they say about senior year that it’s the best of your life and for someone who didn’t move to a different country for it, I can understand why. I mean parties where constant for our year in our town and the towns next to us, according to others and people from my experience definately didn’t mind going all out seeing it was our last year and SAT’s where over.

The parties that I have attended in the last 2 weeks have been much different to the  intimate one’s other than Halloween, I had previously experienced in America. The week after halloween or the three day’s after because halloween was annoyingly on a Wednesday, as our town had already had a halloween party the previous week, me and my friends, decided to venture to the next town, because I had decided to not visit my dad in New York. I had never been to this town before (unless it was to drive through) and remember being intrigued by the concept that this town would function differently from mine.

Now if you don’t live in America, you wouldn’t know this just like I didn’t up to a couple of weeks ago. But normally if you are travelling to another town to go to a party (girls especially), people automatically assume you are a slag and looking to hook up/have sex/ go further with someone. Now when going to this party I no idea of this concept, and just assumed it would be similar to if I were to go to a party in South London, instead of West London, whereby parties were solely to have fun and potentially get a boy, you were not judged by how far you came.

The Party:

We pred at mine that night, because my brother and his friends as well as my mum went to New York, meaning I had the house to myself, as well as my parents alcohol supply. We all drank until we were extremely tipsy, verging on drunk (obviously a few of the girls decided not to drink, because you can never be too safe). We were all dressed in the same halloween outfit, that we had purchased as a group. We were basic leotards and wore fur leopard coats (obviously not real). We got in our uber, not wanting to rely on a sober driver and I was on my way to a party, whom my friend had got me invited to, because of course my move meant that people my friends had grown up being friendly with were strangers to me. (I didn’t know the name, address, basically anyone that I wasn’t going with.) Bu that meant, no pressure, no expectations, but that’s how I liked it.

The house that we arrived to, looked like your basic American, wealthy family home, that basically looked identical to every house in Long Island. I could already tell from the outside that it was going to be a fun time.

In my lifetime regardless if you believe me or not I have been exposed to many situations, where not getting with a boy would be a crime. I know it sounds awful, but everyone must have been in the situation. (It’s not even like I care what others think on me or I do it to impress others). A situation includes a moment where you either feel bad if you didn’t get with someone or it’s just the vibe of the night (if that makes sense). And that night for both me and my friends that was the vibe (excluding those who had boyfriends). I remember being an absolute trash bag and continue to get ‘wasted’ both in the back of the cab and when I poured my liquor filled drink in the kitchen. (which is starting to become a rather trashy theme of mine in America.) You honestly would not know I grew up in a private, all girls prestigious boarding school.

I remember wondering around for the first night, dancing with my friends and of course people we didn’t know. Trying to be chat up by boys.

Now this may sound cliche and I am well aware of that, but when I was desperate for the loo at one point about half way through the night, my friend and I left the main body of the party to find the toilet, both very drunk and wobbling around on this endeavour. We found the toilet, but on our way back came across a group of friends sitting in a room of some sort, a games room mixed with a lounge. We were just walking around, being our tipsy self, mostly out of it and laughing at whatever the other said.

I don’t remember this, but apparently according to my friend we were called into that room, to sit with these people, that I could (of-course) not identify, I am not sure if she knew who they were. However, I am pretty sure she had heard of them at least, as sports events were often plays against towns nearby, and the boys in this room were clearly sport players, which they also told us of.

I don’t remember much of the night in explicit detail, but I remember sitting in that room for at least two hours socialising with these boys and girls that we had just met. This is where I learnt of the reputation of girls from out of town who come to parties, which is ironic because even though I wasn’t that girl, I continued to talk to a boy throughout the night. (he was really fit/hot, so I did not mind). He seemed to have a good personality and that made me attracted to him (not emotionally, but sexually). I  remember and have been told, that while my friend was talking to the rest of the room, he continuously got closer to me, (starting on the opposite side of the room, to me (cringely) sitting on his lap. And after a solid couple hours of talking about our lives and my enlightening him on my move, we got with/hooked up/made out in the room.

I remember his passionate kiss and although at first I wasn’t majorly into it, because in England the boys that I have been with or kissed are very careful and soft and casual, which compares to the (not aggressive) but ‘extra’/  passionate (to say it twice) kiss that I received that night. I remember my straddling him and him reaching down to my pants. But his advances were denied, (partly because we were in public, and I didn’t want to lead him on more than I already had). But we continued to get with and I continuously gained confidence in telling him what he could do, which made it increasingly enjoyable.

This continued until I was pulled out the room by my friend because everyone was leaving.

I just want to clarify, this boy (whose name will not be mentioned) is by no means a ‘crush’ of mine and I didn’t ‘fantasise’ about him for the next weeks. He was simply fun, kind and it was the vibe of the moment.

Anyway I got his snap chat like one does (members who were born in the 21st century), but don’t worry from a present and past perspective it was all just fun and I was rather drunk.

Petal.

Sorry for the lack of posting , literally got home 30 mins ago and sorry for the mistakes want to get it up.

My parents:

I feel like if you are really going to come to terms with my life and my move then you will need to comprehend the role my parents play in my life, or the lack of in my case. 

When I was five years old I was sent to a boarding school that I would only leave in the summer and on a rare weekend, this was because my parents work schedule and constant travelling. This was similar to my brother who was additionally put in an all boys boarding school at age 7. This had left me little memory with what life was like at home. As I grew up though I never once blamed my parents for having little to do with my life, and when I was young for some reason understood. They were providing for my private education and allowing me to live with my friends. But I also believe this was mostly because I loved boarding school and the people, teachers I was surrounded with. The girls were like the sisters I never had and the parents and matrons were the equivalent of my parents. Although, I remember being explicitly saddened when I went home on odd weekends rather than being greeted by my mother and father I was greeted by nanny and despite loving her and knowing herfrom a young age, I missed my parents but her love for me and my brother strangely made me more grateful for my parents who could provide for someone to look after me. My brother and I also never fully got to experience a family holiday, because when we were on break, my parents would continue their work but we would just tag along with my parents and my nanny who would look after us.

It was only when I entered secondary school, when I realised that it wasn’t normal to have totally absent parents, like mine. I think that was because people who were plunged into boarding school at 5 also never got to see their parents because they were absent or they were international students. 

I remember throughout year seven after listening to my peers telling me about stories with their parents, that I grew increasingly angry with them because I realised that most parents spend time with their daughters. This was the reason that my behaviour rapidly deteriorated, because I was desperate for attention from my parents. It wasn’t until the end of year eight that I realised that my parents priorities were work and that despite my anger towards them my sadness was guided into gratitude by my friends and teachers. 

This continued as I got older and I became used to the idea of having a non-existent relationship with my parents, I would go on holiday with my brother and nanny during the holidays and often go away with my friends and sometimes their family. (Sad I know).

Unlike most parent sob stories mine doesn’t have a happy ending, yet, however it is getting there as despite my distant relationship with my parents when I was in London, which is what made it more tough to move, as I didn’t have a close relationship with them and that I thoroughly believed that my parents move to New York would not affect me in the slightest, because like most of my childhood my parents would be away and I would be living at school. 

However, due to my mums retirement at the end of last year as she wanted to become a stay at home mum and finally look after us and build a relationship with us, after the years of anguish my brother and I expressed towards her, she therefore would not allow us to reside in London while she was living in Long Island, or New York (where she was going to live before she resigned). I remember being shocked that she would not allow for us to stay and would rather take us out of our studies, but I realised her intentions were to spend more time with her and to finally be there for us, which I was desperate for. My dad however, to this day remains relatively distance, however his relationship with me and my brother has slowly been improving. My dad commutes, which is better than before, and during the week he lives in our flat in the city and during the weekend he tries to come home and spend time with us. And they are definitely beginning to show us the loving parents they can be as before all they showed us was their belief that parenthood consisted of providing for your children and not spending time with them.  Sad I know. 

Anyway up to present day in America my relationship with my mother is slowly evolving and while it has been difficult to adjust to her attitude and rules. I am so glad is happening. And  I guess I have America to thank for that. 

Thank you for reading. I am slowly adapting to American life although I hope my accent never adapts. 

Leave a comment if you want to ask about something or have a suggestion on what I should write or help me with my writing.

Petal.

Halloween at an American high school.

I really enjoy writing these accounts, they feel like a form of therapy and it’s something to do while watching TV and a great distraction from work.

We are now approaching the present day, but I wanted to talk about Halloween, which was two weeks ago yesterday.

Everyone one must know about the differences between Halloween in England and America. While England halloween is not celebrated by all and is all extremely mundane, in America, from what I have exprieixned halloween is mental, well at least where I live.

Now Halloween In London was and is basic, I remember last year I went clubbing, my effort consisted of extra eyeliner and extra eyeshadow and an entirely black outfit, but that’s about it. I also remember my nanny buying sweets to hand out to the children who knocked on our door. But again that was about it.

But this year again after watching mean girls and various high school and college movies and TV shows, admittedly I was excited to experience an American halloween night. I remember the streets being decks with Halloween decorations for weeks before the day and that school day, I remember everyone adhering the the Halloween traditions, by accessorising their outfits. I also remember the constant gossip and chatter about the entire cohorts house party, that was being hosted by the football (soccer) team. You would notice that American football isn’t big in my area, I was shook as well, that was the foundation of my American stereotype was wrong. But anyway, the fact that this party was for the entire cohort meant it could even be attended by some Freshman, of course they had to be invited or a plus one, but essentially the party was massive and consisted of all different groups and people, and was totally inclusive to the entire upper class (juniors and seniors).

All my friends had decided to go with their best boy friends or literal boyfriends, meaning the week before I was forced (obviously not forced because I could have been a third wheel) to quickly find myself a ‘date’ for the party. I decided to ask a boy that I was friendly with on the football team (I couldn’t go with my brother because he was dressing up with all his friends), even though I wasn’t interested in the sport that captured the entire cohort (ironic because it’s a european heritage) and I definitely hadn’t watched the high school games, but I figured it would make my time better, you know going with someone who would know everyone there, that wouldn’t get embarrassed and of course have unlimited access to drink and the DJ. We had AP English together and his charisma and attitude definitely seemed fun and blazè, so one day during my lesson, the previous week I hinted at him that I needed a boy to go to the party with and the next day he asked me, (thankfully). (I think it took a day because he needed to make sure that the football team weren’t all going together) They weren’t but they were pre-ing at the party house meaning I was now invited to that, guess my decision to go with him was a good one and I knew that I would have secured an invite to the after-party.

I mean all this talk in previous accounts about trying to isolate myself I realise was probably my denial and fear and now I realised I could enjoy my senior year and have fun.

Anyway, we decided to dress as Batman and Cat woman basic I know, but surprisingly we weren’t aware of anyone doing it, so while I wore my revealing, skin-tight outfit, with only my mask feeling like a coverup, he wore the basic batman outfit available to purchase on amazon. We went to the pre’s and with every look and obvious checking out I got more and more self-conscious, but that was when I realised it was time to get drunk.

And this blog once again makes me sound like an alcoholic or someone diagnosed with anxiety, I can’t lie, I probably do have both those things.

I explicitly remember that night that I wanted to have a laugh and I was ready for it and it was obvious that the football team was as well. We started to down shot after shot but unlike them I was and am a complete lightweight, no matter how much I try to build up my tolerance.

Anyway I was absolutely pissed by the time people began to arrive at the house, I was barely able to stand up and therefore for the beginning of the night was practically leaning on my date, I danced with him and my friends who had come with their ‘dates’, for the majority of the night, not being able to drink anymore, as I was just one drink away from vomiting. I remember laughing and joking and flirting with as many boys as possible and really and truly enjoying myself with my friends. My date throughout the night stuck by me and personally introduced me to many of my peers who I hadn’t yet had an actual conversation with, (although looking back they can’t of got the best interpretation of me, with me being drunk and all).

I remember that by the end of the party at about one am due to police interference, I had sobered up and could now be considered ‘tipsy’ and we headed to an after party at someone from the teams house. There was around thirty of us there who had made the cut from the five hundred people who had been at the party. It included the football team and all their dates, as well as a couple people who had been personally invited . I reminder (not literally remember but from snapchat stories) getting re-pissed during a game of  flip, sip or strip and on these stories watching myself getting with 1/2/3 people that I only knew by association (they seemed to all be good looking) . I remember the majority of the players having to take of their top, leaving me therefore in just my bra and leather trousers. Another game we played which left me on the brink of unconsciousness was Dirty Pint. It was brutal.

The next day I woke up with a paralysing hangover in my house at three pm, with a bucket of sick by my bed, which resulted in my absence from school. I figured that a bunch of my friends would be absent after watching snapchat stories of me and them out until four in the morning. That morning I realised that I wasn’t going to go to the city on the weekend to see my dad who was living in an apartment there for work and go clubbing with my brother and couple of our friends, because I would definitely still be worn out from that night, and I was.

Anyway thats how my halloween went.

Comment any mad halloween night’s in America.

Petal.

New boys

This post is hard because I want to tell you my story but the boy situation reaches the present: so sorry for the spoilers.

Before I moved: when in London I went to an all girls boarding school, so during term time it was almost impossible to speak to a boy, unless it was a rare weekend when you went home. However during the holiday, when I came home, I was unleashed along with the entirety of the boarding school population to the male species.

My male friends were predominantly made up of the boys I would summer with (go on holiday with) and those my family were friendly with. So again I still had limited interaction with the male species. However, once I turned the rightful age of 15, my male best friend and I, a boy that I spent almost everyday with when at home, as he only lived  a couple of doors down from me, found out the concept of ‘friends with benefits’. And at the rightful age of 15 years and months my virginity was lost. Now I don’t know what’s normal where you live, but where I did in London, I was by no means the first, and surprisingly to many about 3/4 of the Kensington teen population had lost their ‘sacred’ virgin status before me. This was due to boys and girls in my area being exposed to drugs and alcohol from a young age and clubbing being experienced from the age of 15. Also I think once someone loses their virginity it become a race not to be the last and I remember during year 10 it became a trend to have sex. 

I remember after that we continuously maintained our relationship throughout the whole of year 10 and 11, neither of us got into other relationships and even though I was speaking to people throughout this period, none were serious enough in resulting in the end of our ‘Best friends with benefits’. As much as he loved me, he was never in love with me and I can proudly say that it was mutual, I think looking back it was partly because I knew he only wanted my body at night and not during the day, he didn’t want an emotional relationship and most importantly he wanted other girls company’s as well as mine, which made me hold back, in hindsight I probably could have loved him if I put my heart out there. 

Anyway moving on to year 11 summer when I met the first boy I was infatuated with, who I stopped my ‘Friends with benefits relationship’ for. I met him through my younger brother who went to an all boys boarding school, while watching one of his rugby matches because my parents couldn’t make it (I think from my blogs you will begin to understand that my parents were mostly absent.) Anyway, we continued to ‘talk’ on snap chat then progressed to face time during my school term (I remember being thrilled when I got his number, lol).

I remember my first time spending a long period of time together, we were invited to a mutual friends party. I remember the dress code being smarter because it was at a bar in London, and I remember wearing my best dress (for me and admittedly a tiny bit for him), getting my makeup and hair done. I remember that night getting both high and drunk (well not literally remember), and we all know that is a very dangerous concoction if you have ever experienced it. After we had moved from the bar to club and finished our night off, I remember waking up in my house in my dress with no clue what had happened the night before. As my friends recalled, he had taken me home, put me in bed and put the duvet over me, I’m pretty sure that when I became boy crazy of (boy singular crazy) in my case. Our relationship began in August and we date eight months, after breaking up in April, after I found out he had been constantly cheating on me. My heart shattered and my sole broke, however this was worsened when my parents told me we were leaving to America just a few weeks after. I had told the boy I loved him, I had had sex with him I had shared my life with him, and despite how many times he had told me he was “sorry” and “made the biggest mistake of his life” and that “he loved me”. I knew I could never forgive him and I believe thats what made me try and isolate myself in the summer and the beginning of the school year. 

Thats right you guessed it it’s been a difficult 2018. 

Current situation: I remember when my relationship ending distancing myself from the possibility of being with boys, not getting with anyone despite watching him party with girls all summer (on Snapchat). America I have to admit meant the end of our relationship was more final, despite his constant calls I received over the summer from him. Anyway, moving on. During my first few weeks of school, because I was now at a mixed school and virtually spending practically everyday with boys was inevitable. (I have to say an all girls boarding school definitely did not prepare me for a mixed school) I made gradual friends with boys, although I was admittedly seeking friendships with girls more, but as I went to more parties or more parties without getting with or hooking up as American’s say it, people became more curious, inquisitive about my life in London, did I have a boyfriend, basically. I remember being desperate to not divulge into my life, believing it is better to keep them operated, and I definitely didn’t want to bring up memories of my past relationship, so I blocked out all the questions, gave zero fucks and finally decided to move on.

By the way, it wasn’t external pressure that resulted in my moving on, but internal pressure and knowing that my ex was out there fucking the entirety of West London and probably South West London. 

These thought started to lead me down the same path I was on prior to my relationship, having fun, maybe too much fun but I didn’t care. It may be classified as leading boys on, because I genuinely didn’t care about any of them. In a matter of weeks I had got with four boys, all of whom where good looking, and two of who I was talking to before I got with them (Make out, not sex). It was not until after then I realised that where I was, as I have previously said that gossip spreads like wildfire, people were judging me for thinks that I had never been judged about before, as I had always been a nun in relation to my friends, things that I definitely did not want to be known for.

I remember all this gossip pushing me back into the shell and led me to isolate myself from my new friends. I began to eat in the IT suite for a few days, not go out the next weekend. I took me two weeks too realise how little I cared about a reputation that would not define me, and I realised it was based on your ‘typical high school jealous girl’ (cliche I know). My friends were loyal and that relieved me from the constant pain I was feeling about missing my bed friends back home. 

But the good news, although it took me time to adapt to the new boys in Long Island and the difference in attitudes about boys, I have done successfully which has helped me get over my ex. 

I will continue to discuss boys in my present and passed 3 weeks, but don’t want to include anything that will take away from other accounts. 

Once again any questions comment and any thoughts on my structure and language. 

Petal 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Social hierarchy in my American high school.

I though I posted this yesterday, it did not save, so I had to re-write, but hopefully I will get 2 up today.

Now I touched on the social dynamics in both my previous school and my current one in England, however, in order for you to have a true insight into my daily life then it’s vital that you (if you want of course) to comprehend the ‘social hierarchy’, that now with the benefit of hindsight and a few months extra experience I am now able explain to you. Now you may be thinking that by reading my blogs you’re effectively watching and American movie and well, I think I’m living one so you would be correct in assuming that.

(WANT TO ADD A SIDE NOTE THAT THIS RELATIVELY WELL THOUGHT OUT EXPLANATION WAS NOT IMMEDIATELY UNDERSTOOD, AND MY ‘SOCIAL HIERARCHY’ UNDERSTANDING IS STILL IN THE PROCESS.)

Now in London, there was a similar and intertwined social hierarchy at my boarding school to my home/family friends. Popularity in London was arguably based on wealth (superficial I know), but it was true, your group of friends would mainly consist of people who lived near you and you would mould into the typical stereotype for that area. For example in my area, Kensington, my dress sense was morphed by my peers, as well as the Boys I went for and the age I lost my virginity (which will be touched in in the next account). Another example is Camden, one of the druggiest and wealthiest areas in London, many people who live here morph into the characteristics of your typical ‘Camden’ resident. (someone who knew how to have fun). I suppose it is similar to America in some sense, because where you lives morphs you, but in London the areas are so close, meaning you are constantly socialising with people who are different to you and therefore your attitudes can be changed, I suppose it’s similar to New, New York, your Upper Easters are close to your Chelsea’s and close to your Brooklyn residents. (If that makes sense, probably doesn’t). So despite the fact that your friendship group may be small, your popularity could be based on your characteritic or the number of groups your friendly with  and where you live, (your wealth). Oh and also in London people aren’t obsessed with their popularity in the same way as London, there are thousands of groups in London, take your typical NWLondon crowd or your SW it’s impossible to determine people who are considered ‘cool’ unless you know them or have heard of them.

It’s important to note that whilst popularity was looked at in London, people did not focus on it, unlike the ways that an American high school does.

In America, or where I live the ‘social hierachy’ could not be more different to London, your school and friends are located and inhabit one area, so it allows there to be cliques that form the foundation of your popularity. I realised this allowed the ‘typical high school movies’ to be kind of accurate. I mean everyone did become known for a certain reason, but not to the extent described in movies, as people can often be more than one ‘thing;, group, clique and that I understand is why American citizens describe high school movies as ‘inaccurate’. I remember personally when moving there what and who am I going to be associated with, was I going to be a loner, or a nerd, a jock, I genuinely though I had to fit into one specific ‘group’.

I want to explain my position in the ‘caste’ system, without trying to sound too cringe (but I don’t know how possible that would be). So here it goes: I know this may be strange, but just like I have explained, I wanted at the beginning of high school to create distance between my self and my cohort, not make genuine connections, that would be broken in less than a year. But as hard as it is to distance yourself, it’s harder to continuously do it. For me, it was more difficult because I was a ‘new, (maybe considered hot/fit), British. As much as I tried to isolate myself, it became more difficult, I think it made people more curious, it made people want to invite me places, I think people wanted to see my characteristics.

It was odd, because when I moved I thought that because I was senior friendships groups would be cemented and secure, meaning I would not be noticed, but I was extremely wrong. This can be evidenced from my beginning to eat in the cafeteria not the IT suite. everybody ate here because no one could be bothered to leave the school to eat more edible food, which massively contrasted to my delicious boarding school meals.

I don’t  want this account to be my describing my ‘fortunate’ position in the high school hierarchy, but luckily in a matter of weeks I had become friendly with a group of girls that were quietly admired by the entire schools population. These girls (whose names will be changed), I think just like me didn’t make an effort with boys, didn’t wear excessive makeup and didn’t care about the social hierarchy and thats what made them respected. Amy, was sporty and was an unbelievable tennis player, although she didn’t shout her accomplishments to the entire world, Annabelle, as well as being the nicest girl to live loved her fashion just like me and Ruby, was an blazè intellect and never seemed to make an effort with her school work but achieved A’s constantly.  Then there was Libby, Lili and Mala, who were all the funniest people to live and laugh with. They made up the majority of my friends, and allowed me to not constantly miss my best friends in London.

And thats what my high schools social hierarchy consisted it and my place it.

I know my accounts have gotten less formal, so if you prefer them more formal comment.

Sorry if this account is not as good, wanted to get it up after my stupidity not saving it.

Petal