gutted and sorry have been unable to post so far this weekend. Cannot explain the weekend I have had: hectic. Definitely a story time for another account. Have had about one hour worth of sleep and am functioning on my constant coffee’s. Have a shit ton of work to do that has to be completed for tomorow, but of course I am instead writing this account for my blog.
In the last couple weeks it has been an absolute world wind, both academically and socially, I mean what can one expect when you are doing 2 years of school in one year, especially after having moved to a whole different country to do so.
But, in other news my social life has progressed massively, which I have decided to take as a positive. I think it has been to do with both the people I met and grew closer too at the halloween party, mainly my girlfriends, that I have become increasingly closer to. Now, everyday after school I am being invited to go out for dinner, with both or either the football boys or the girls. There has been occasion where I have been invited for a social smoking of weed in the designated area in my town, just in case families witness or smell the crime. I think this perception of me has arisen, due to both my smoking habit and my smoking of hash during my first party, which all contrasts to my entire towns obsession with JUULing.
However, most of these occasions I am having to decline and instead stay late at the library working my rear end off. It’s not because I am a hard worker and in fact I have been called one of the most blazè people to live, but rather because I still don’t want to intimately associate and grow relationships with boys to the point they might want it to progress and the constant thought that I am leaving in less than a year, despite my realisation that it is now inevitable.
Anyway moving onto 2 weekends ago; over the past years, a well known issue of mine in London especially concerning boys is my inability to shut anyone down or decline advances. This is due to my constant need to please everyone. I always want people to like me, or want to be my friend. But you know what they say the first step of getting over something is admitting it.
Anyway, like everyone, you probably know what they say about senior year that it’s the best of your life and for someone who didn’t move to a different country for it, I can understand why. I mean parties where constant for our year in our town and the towns next to us, according to others and people from my experience definately didn’t mind going all out seeing it was our last year and SAT’s where over.
The parties that I have attended in the last 2 weeks have been much different to the intimate one’s other than Halloween, I had previously experienced in America. The week after halloween or the three day’s after because halloween was annoyingly on a Wednesday, as our town had already had a halloween party the previous week, me and my friends, decided to venture to the next town, because I had decided to not visit my dad in New York. I had never been to this town before (unless it was to drive through) and remember being intrigued by the concept that this town would function differently from mine.
Now if you don’t live in America, you wouldn’t know this just like I didn’t up to a couple of weeks ago. But normally if you are travelling to another town to go to a party (girls especially), people automatically assume you are a slag and looking to hook up/have sex/ go further with someone. Now when going to this party I no idea of this concept, and just assumed it would be similar to if I were to go to a party in South London, instead of West London, whereby parties were solely to have fun and potentially get a boy, you were not judged by how far you came.
We pred at mine that night, because my brother and his friends as well as my mum went to New York, meaning I had the house to myself, as well as my parents alcohol supply. We all drank until we were extremely tipsy, verging on drunk (obviously a few of the girls decided not to drink, because you can never be too safe). We were all dressed in the same halloween outfit, that we had purchased as a group. We were basic leotards and wore fur leopard coats (obviously not real). We got in our uber, not wanting to rely on a sober driver and I was on my way to a party, whom my friend had got me invited to, because of course my move meant that people my friends had grown up being friendly with were strangers to me. (I didn’t know the name, address, basically anyone that I wasn’t going with.) Bu that meant, no pressure, no expectations, but that’s how I liked it.
The house that we arrived to, looked like your basic American, wealthy family home, that basically looked identical to every house in Long Island. I could already tell from the outside that it was going to be a fun time.
In my lifetime regardless if you believe me or not I have been exposed to many situations, where not getting with a boy would be a crime. I know it sounds awful, but everyone must have been in the situation. (It’s not even like I care what others think on me or I do it to impress others). A situation includes a moment where you either feel bad if you didn’t get with someone or it’s just the vibe of the night (if that makes sense). And that night for both me and my friends that was the vibe (excluding those who had boyfriends). I remember being an absolute trash bag and continue to get ‘wasted’ both in the back of the cab and when I poured my liquor filled drink in the kitchen. (which is starting to become a rather trashy theme of mine in America.) You honestly would not know I grew up in a private, all girls prestigious boarding school.
I remember wondering around for the first night, dancing with my friends and of course people we didn’t know. Trying to be chat up by boys.
Now this may sound cliche and I am well aware of that, but when I was desperate for the loo at one point about half way through the night, my friend and I left the main body of the party to find the toilet, both very drunk and wobbling around on this endeavour. We found the toilet, but on our way back came across a group of friends sitting in a room of some sort, a games room mixed with a lounge. We were just walking around, being our tipsy self, mostly out of it and laughing at whatever the other said.
I don’t remember this, but apparently according to my friend we were called into that room, to sit with these people, that I could (of-course) not identify, I am not sure if she knew who they were. However, I am pretty sure she had heard of them at least, as sports events were often plays against towns nearby, and the boys in this room were clearly sport players, which they also told us of.
I don’t remember much of the night in explicit detail, but I remember sitting in that room for at least two hours socialising with these boys and girls that we had just met. This is where I learnt of the reputation of girls from out of town who come to parties, which is ironic because even though I wasn’t that girl, I continued to talk to a boy throughout the night. (he was really fit/hot, so I did not mind). He seemed to have a good personality and that made me attracted to him (not emotionally, but sexually). I remember and have been told, that while my friend was talking to the rest of the room, he continuously got closer to me, (starting on the opposite side of the room, to me (cringely) sitting on his lap. And after a solid couple hours of talking about our lives and my enlightening him on my move, we got with/hooked up/made out in the room.
I remember his passionate kiss and although at first I wasn’t majorly into it, because in England the boys that I have been with or kissed are very careful and soft and casual, which compares to the (not aggressive) but ‘extra’/ passionate (to say it twice) kiss that I received that night. I remember my straddling him and him reaching down to my pants. But his advances were denied, (partly because we were in public, and I didn’t want to lead him on more than I already had). But we continued to get with and I continuously gained confidence in telling him what he could do, which made it increasingly enjoyable.
This continued until I was pulled out the room by my friend because everyone was leaving.
I just want to clarify, this boy (whose name will not be mentioned) is by no means a ‘crush’ of mine and I didn’t ‘fantasise’ about him for the next weeks. He was simply fun, kind and it was the vibe of the moment.
Anyway I got his snap chat like one does (members who were born in the 21st century), but don’t worry from a present and past perspective it was all just fun and I was rather drunk.
Sorry for the lack of posting , literally got home 30 mins ago and sorry for the mistakes want to get it up.